Sunday, December 7, 2014

Soylent Green (1973)





You can have my Soylent Green when you pry it from my cold dead hands. #misleadingtrailers


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Saturday, December 6, 2014

Trancers (1984)

Hop on your Vespa, get to the nearest cinema and plug into TRANCERS. Starring Tim Thomerson as Jack Deth, a Trancer hunter from the future travels back in time to kill Whistler, a psychotic hypnotist maniac who converts people into, TRANCERS. Hap Ashby steals the show with his award winning swilling of whiskey, he's a total boozer and it's hilarious. Fuck the Matrix, this film introduces the first true bullet time sequence. So watch it, there are 5 trancer films, the first and second are good.  Helem Lunt is stupid and she can't even dodge bullets...so stupid. The Soundtrack is superb.


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Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday, June 19, 2009

Fake Trailers!



These aren't even real. They are crap cartoons. But they involve your youth and famous directors' names.


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Thursday, June 11, 2009

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Air Doll - 2009



This trailer is in Korean with no subtitles, but it's about a sex toy that comes to life, presumably because of an ancient Egyptian curse, if Mannequin has taught me anything about living dolls. But it looks like it might be a really good movie, drifting along miscreant pathways and contemplating love and poetry, which is what the best SE Asian romance dramas seem to do.


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Saturday, May 30, 2009

Oh! My Zombie Mermaid - 2004



Oh mah gawd.

US DVD release in July 09, apparently. But I want it now!


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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans - 2009



Nicholas Cage and Werner Herzog made a movie together. I predict: Best movie ever made (by Nic Cage).


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Monday, May 25, 2009

Subspecies I-IV - 1991, 1993, 1994, 1998 {Super Maxi Post}

I remember seeing this movie when I was probably twelve or thirteen years old and not being able to wait for the sequels as they arrived. It was the golden age of Full Moon, AKA the best time for bad horror movies ever, and I think these trailers elucidate that point quite nicely.



It appears to be a pretty straightforward vampire movie, shot in Bucharest, about some girls who get turned into vampires by the evil Radu, who ends up battling his brother, also a vampire, for the life of one of the women with whom he's fallen in love. But since it's Full Moon it's also full of weird little claymation demons for no reason.



Oh man, Subspecies II just amps it up a little more. Now it's suddenly about using this bloodstone to become immortal (I know, he's already immortal, but whatever) and there's a bunch of vampire magic and that chick from the first one's sister is looking for her and totally in danger of being turned into a vampire too! Oh noes!



Yes, yes, Bloodlust! The terror continues this Halloween, '93! Keep it coming, Charles Band. There's no stopping this freight train of awesome now!



So these people just can not fucking die! I think when the actress utters the phrase 'please kill me' she's genuinely asking someone on set to end the franchise. Of course, this was four years after the third, which perhaps implies someone's career didn't go quite as expected. How is it that they keep coming? Every movie ends with Radu dying, then the next movie starts with some crazy ritual to bring him back to life, all so he can go after the same girl? Just get a new one, man! They're all over and you're a crazy monster with super powers! I think this was the point where Full Moon started taking a downward turn, but I fully expect them to shoot a fifth installment someday, revamping the series for a new generation...

Eh, who am I kidding? The only people who will watch the fifth one will be Full Moon losers like myself who saw the originals at the time of release.

And, just because it exists, someone's Subspecies II music video with moody gothic bullshit from Moonspell, who, by the way, look like this:




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The Gate-1987

I fucking LOVE this movie, killer moths, wolf-headed dream moms, satanic backward metal,stabbing eye-hands, clay-mation mini-demons, face melts, suburban rocket silos....amazing


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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Jon Carpenter's The Thing - 1982



So, I think there's a lesson to be learned about remakes with this movie. And that lesson is that your remake doesn't have to be shitty. Because this one is really, really awesome. It could have to do with the fact that it features Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley and voiceover icon Keith David all in one movie. It might be the special effects and their reliance on animatronics and prostheses, as CGI was not an option in '82 and still doesn't carry the same punch. Most likely it's because it's Jon Carpenter and his keyboard-wielding soundtrack-makin' ways turning a concept he experienced as a child into a paranoid arctic tale of alien horror. But whatever the reason, it should be a study in the successful transformation of a classic into a new classic rather than a toss-away summer blockbuster or crapfest slasher.


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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Something Wicked This Way Comes - 1983



Before this was remade by Stephen King as Needful Things is was the most awesome thing Disney had ever released. It's fucking terrifying and should not be seen by children, and yet it was marketed toward children and I of course saw it at a very young age because, clearly, my parents were not a responsible lot. Jason Robards gets his hand split open by Jonathon Pryce at one point after discovering that the whole carnival is a crazy demonic force that 'comes from the dust and goes to the grave.' Fucking awesome.

I'm a little surprised this wasn't already on here...


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Shocker - 1989



Serial killer turns into electricity and then stalks people. Directed by Wes Craven in his post-nightmare phase, when he wasn't all that great at making movies. This one is pretty great though.


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Sherlock Holmes(Guy Ritchie)-2009

So there's gonna be 2 Sherlock Holmes movies this year incase you didn't know. This one is the "cool" one directed by Guy Ritchie and starring Robert Downy Jr. the other one is "funny" and stars Will Ferrel and Borat.


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Every Other Day Is Halloween - 2009

New Trailer for "The Movie"


Hate to use the MySpace videos, but whatevs. Here's a trailer for a movie about the inimitable Count Gore de Vol, who most recently brought the horror host community online, making them still semi-relevant even though the whole concept has pretty much lost its awesome veneer.


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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Popcorn-1991

Popcorn-pop-pop-popcorn!


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Motel Hell-1980


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The Hand-1981

Did yr dad ever turn the T.V. on and leave you in the living room with no regards to what was actually on it while he smoked weed in the garage with yr pet dog for hours on end? Yes? No? Well mine did and this was one of the movies I ended up watching while all the other kids watched The Rescuers and The Great Mouse Detective...


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The Return of Captain Nemo-1978

Believe it or not, there is a new Captain Nemo movie on the way. It prolly won't be as good or, er french as this one though....


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Monday, May 11, 2009

$9.99- 2009

Still trying to figure out if this would still be interesting if it wasn't in stop motion....hmmmmmm


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