9 - 2009

Originally a ten minute long short film, now fully adapted into a feature length adventure about tiny burlap men trekking across the wasteland of a decayed future Earth doing battle with robots. What's not to love?

Best Worst Movie - 2009 Festivals

A documentary about Troll 2, the mind-blowingly shitty sequel to a pretty bad movie called Troll, featuring a young Drew Barrymore. This will be at SXSW this year, as well as a handful of other festivals. And I'm guessing it'll be pretty good.

Knowing - 2009

Yet another masterpiece from the finest actor living today, Nicolas Cage. What's that? You disagree with me? Sir, your earnestness offends me and I demand satisfaction! Only one man can harbor the awesomely brass balls necessary to accept every single script that crosses his desk, no matter how ridiculous, stupid, remade or comic book related. Plus he named his child after Superman. Nic Cage will one day ascend to a heaven the likes of which most of us can only dream to take his place among the Great Spirits of Kitsch.

Cleavtastic Cleavage Fantasy VII - 2008

Okay, it's actually a movie called Bitch Slap starring Lucy Lawless and former Xena co-star Renee O'Connor. And, let's face it, it looks totally awesome. Apparently there's some diamond thievery leading to a showdown in the desert and people are dressed up as nuns as some point and the whole thing is a paeon to the exploitation films of yesteryear. What could possibly be better?

Desert Man Beast - 2009

Sometimes a trailer comes along and makes you say, 'Wow, that looks fucking awesome.' This, however, is a trailer that came along and made me say, 'Wow, what are those fucking flaps coming from that guy's loincloth?' Enjoy.