It's time to test your trailer skills again kiddies. I present to you two trailers below. One shows the true nature of this twisted childhood brain stab. The other is a false advertisement for some kid's movie from the 80's. Choose the sword...or choose the ball and follow your Mother in death. Choose wisely...
TRAILER 1
TRAILER 2
You may have won this time Exploder...I'll see you in hell!
LOL, being shallow is so in right now! OMG! It's like, a totally awesome movie about an ugly girl and her SUPER hot BFF! LMAO! I absolutely cannot wait 'till this comes out!
Seriously, is our society so mentally finger fucked that Paris Hilton has to spoon feed us this bullshit fairy tale about "real" beauty?
I wish I was there when she shopped this shit.
"It's like, a movie that shows even hot girls can be friends with like, horribly ugly people."
Finally! A movie that tells the truth about those sensitive emo-boy artist types and exposes them for what they are. You've been warned cute indie girls...
What's cooler than pretty much everything ever? Fucking mopeds, that's what.
That's right - the fake James Bond movie that also happens to be probably the most awesome one in the series (though this isn't officially a member of the Bond serials). At one point Peter O'Toole walks up to Peter Sellers and asks him if he's Richard Burton. Sellers replies that he is, in fact, Peter O'Toole, to which O'Toole responds: "Then you are the finest man that has ever breathed."
Take that, Roger Moore.
This trailer should shove another nail in the challenge coffin. This movie is basically an excuse to use a trunk full of costumes and make fun of horror films. Before Scary Movie 3, there was Waxwork II. Double points for getting the first Bruce Campbell movie onto the blog (I think).
It's official: Demonic possession totally rules. This trailer was found accidentally while seeking a Witchboard trailer, and praise be to awful, because this trailer fucking rules. About halfway through Kevin Tenney, the director of Witchboard, pretty much just shoves his dick into your brain and laughs in your face. Seriously, brainpunching demonic zombism alien mind control? Yeah, seriously.
I don't know what this movie is about, and I don't really care. But I want to see it.
Aside from Streets of Rage 2 this is the only time I've ever seen anyone try to fight a bulldozer using a windmill.
I'll see your HOUSE post and raise a Saturday The 14th double slam. SWOOSH! Nothing but net.
SATURDAY THE 14TH-1981
SATURDAY THE 14TH STRIKES BACK-1988
I see your Ghoulies and raise you House II: The Second Story, a movie about a kid returning to his grandfather's home and discovering a crystal skull that allows him to travel through dimensions, aiding his undead gunfighting great grandfather and pursued by another undead gunfighter who wants the skull. They also fight dinosaurs and weird monsters. And that mailman from Cheers plays the exterminator called in to help rid the house of rodents but apparently also deals with monsters.
Oh shit, the original fifties version! One more point for me and a sucka punch for Dreday.
Is it just me or did every High School/College party in the mid-eighties perform a satanic ritual at some point in the night? I think we need to start bringing that shit back.
"Penelope" is the story of a young woman, Penelope Wilhern (Christina Ricci), born to wealthy socialites (Richard E. Grant and Catherine O'Hara). Penelope is afflicted by a secret family curse that can only be broken when she is loved by one of her own kind. Hidden away in the family's majestic home, she is subjected to meeting a string of blue-bloods through her parent's futile attempt to marry her off and break the curse. Each suitor is instantly enamored with Penelope (and her sizable dowry)... until the curse is revealed.
Michael Crichton's directorial debut. It's kind of like the baby Jurassic Park had in its teen years that nobody talks about.
There have been numerous times when I have tried describing this movie to people at parties while I was under the influence. Unfortunately I was never able to remember the name of this cinematic phantom from my childhood long forgotten so I would call it " That movie where people get sucked underground and have their brains switched by those giant meat-ball things"
Sadly, nobody knew what the fuck I was talking about and dismissed my drunken rant as some straight to DVD sequel of TREMORS or concluded that I was making it up for some twisted form of attention. Well I finally found the trailer. The movie is real and not a figment of my imagination. Dre wins.
P.S.-It's also directed by Tobe Hooper ( Texas Chainsaw Massacre ) So I jus' got bonus points for seeing it before I turned 12. oh snap!
The first ten minutes or so from a fairly disturbing documentary about NAMBLA. The other five parts can be found on Stuffface's YouTube profile. Definitely worth watching, even though you feel like taking a shower afterward. You just can't make this shit up.
That's right, Joel Hodgson and friends are back with a brand new version of the same thing: Mystery Science Theater 3000, only this time apparently there are more people and they sit on what appear to be bleachers and use props and stuff.
I'm not going to check the backlog, but I may have posted this previously. It doesn't matter, this movie is worth posting multiple times, because it's just that awesome. Without a doubt one of the most beautifully shot films I've ever seen (we'll go top twenty, because I'm seen a lot of movies), this Ridley Scott first feature remains one of his best films and has yet fallen into that crevice of underappreciation where so many early films disappear to. You'd do yourself a favor by putting this on your Netflix queue right now.
It's time for a lesson in sociocultural trailer structuring. The 13th Warrior is a movie based on a Michael Crichton short called Eaters of the Dead about a Muslim aristocrat sent away to the north as a diplomat after sleeping with a king's wife. He comes to live among a group of twelve vikings sent on a mission to a small enclave that have been attacked multiple times by bear-skin clad raiders who live in the caves above the village. The Muslim character, (Antonia Banderas being vaguely ethnic) becomes a warrior and garners the respect of the viking people by the end of the movie. Is there a more awesome premise for a movie that's essentially about battle, vikings and the age-old war between earth-mother worship and sky gods? Probably not.
So, here are two trailers, each for this movie. The first is the American release trailer, which features some kind of Gregorian monk chanting for the first half. The second is the German trailer, which features German dialogue but will nonetheless be easily understood after having watched the English language one. Decide which movie you'd rather see and then watch the clip at the end to determine whether or not you were correct.
And now the clip.
That's right, if you chose option B, the German trailer, then you picked the one that actually tells you what this movie is about. What the hell is with the American version and the pointless inclusion of a romantic subplot? Why does this matter? It's a means to an end, nothing more. It's that kind of obligatory storytelling that ruins good films.
I'm just sayin'.
Check out this video: Fucko The Clown
Yes, Fucko the Clown. I'd got into a public access sort of mood and remembered this television mind-blower from a youth misspent. I'm not sure where exactly it's from but I watched it out of Seattle many years ago well into the morning. The show is about a clown - the eponymous Fucko - who interviews porn stars then has sex with them. He's a horrible person filled with bad jokes and bullshit clown crap.
One of the most disturbing things I've ever seen.
This show is created by Nick Zedd and Reverend Jen. Wait wait wait wait - you don't know who Nick Zedd is? Well, lube up your asshole and get ready to receive, because subversive cinema has few heroes as infamous as Nick Zedd. This is a promo for a television show you can watch if you live in New York City and watch a lot of public access. I'm pretty sure those pointed things on the sides of Electra Elf's ears are Rev. Jen's actual ears. Is that sexy? You make your own decision. Myself, I hold elf-sex in an esteem equivalent to face-cake and backflips.
I know what you're thinking: What homoerotic lead-in to a gay porno did I just watch? Surprise, it's a non-pornographic movie about angels ejected from heaven who communicate by necking to the blood. Starring visual-kei superstar Hide (X Japan) and Tusk, from a band that I have never listened to, this nearly-hour-long movie is basically an extended music video about gothy creatures living on planet earth and doomed to misunderstanding and, by virtue of human nature, execution.
This isn't a trailer. It's just the first couple minutes of film. And it pretty much goes on just like that, but with more action and bigger shoulder pads. I don't think this movie has an official trailer. I don't think it's even on IMDB. Super points for watching shit that doesn't even live on the internet.
You know what, divorce really IS rough. But something tells me this movie has all the words to fix it. Like Parent Trap but hilarious! Holy shit, is that Beau Bridges?
Yeah, so it's a parody. And the lips don't always match up. So what? You wanna fight about it?!
Beyond 1974, beyond Richard Nixon, there is only a mustachioed Sean Connery wearing a red speedo. Oh, and a floating head that vomits machine guns.
John Boorman's epic failure is a bloated critique of pacifism, flower children, Plato, and men who aren't Sean Connery. Predictably, the trailer is much more satisfying to watch than the entire movie.
This is the official unreleased prequel to JACOB'S LADDER. Now it all makes sense.
Why does this movie rock so fucking hard?
Ummm, because the key to the universe is a giant silver synthesizer that evil gods and futuristic barbarians desperately seek through out the whole movie so they can play the ultimate 80's riff of the apocalypse and end all worlds that's why! DOOOOOY!
Here's a little taste of what you're missing...
Get on it!
Rene Laloux's (Fantastic Planet) second animated feature. Retitled Light Years in the U.S., watching this movie is like swigging from the chalice of pure liquid imagination.
All I could find was the French trailer, but the entire movie is posted on Youtube. So if you have 1.5 hours to invest in psychotropic French fantasy, then go nuts!
This movie is so emotionally confusing to watch. One minute your laughing you're ass off, then the next you're trying to hold back tears because the Easter Bunny jus' jumped through a church window with blood spilling out the side of his mouth.
This is basically how the whole movie plays out.
One of my favorite movies of all time! I saw this when I was 16 and haven't been the same since. This was also the movie Jenifer Lopez was watching in THE CELL while she was smoking that joint.
This is basically "Pulse" meets "28 Days Later" with a little twist in the way it was written...
Told in three parts from three unique perspectives by three visionary directors, "The Signal" was originally conceived as an experimental film project called "Exquisite Corpse" where one filmmaker would begin a story then hand it off to another filmmaker to continue and then to another and so on until the movie was complete. The story eventually took shape and evolved into a sci-fi/horror/thriller that imagines a world where everyday anxieties become the catalyst for inhuman terror. "The Signal" is a horrific journey towards discovering that the most brutal monster might actually be within all of us.
Ravel's Bolero I
Bolero II
13:40 of the classic Italian animation Allegro non Troppo
An Intelligent Designer idly tosses a coke bottle across the universe and it lands on Earth. From this divine corn syrup, the primordial ooze arises and sets off across a lifeless world. Set to the epic build of Ravel's Bolero, Italian director Bruno Bozzetto creates a narrative of species that culminates (and ends) with everyone's favorite murderous hyper-ape, man.
Two amazing comics by the French illustrator Jean 'Moebius' Giraud which sadly were never completed as movies. The Incal is a collaboration between Jodorowski (Holy Mountain) and Giraud, czech it out!
After the Soviet boycott of the 1984 Olympics, America had a serious case of commie-killing blue balls. Enter gold medal winner Kurt Thomas. He travels to Yugoslavia and strikes a dynamic blow for capitalism freedom by kicking impoverished farmers in the face.
