Okay, so this clip here isn't the trailer for the upcoming Will Ferrel Land of the Lost project, but it's probably fair to judge that movie based on what happens in this clip. Seriously, someone decided to turn this awful, awful fucking show into a feature length movie starring Semi-Pro star and all around lunatic Will Ferrel. Don't believe me? I didn't think you would. That's why we have links to the IMDB page.
Where has this movie been all my life? I would much rather have Micheal Bay bump out one of these every year instead of remaking Nightmare on Elm St., Friday the 13th, and The Birds. I mean, there's a character named Dix Hauser for Christ's sake!
The true mark of a cinematic masterpiece.
So here's the deal. I'm living with my homie in his mom's basement. The American version of The Ring just came out. I'm a little bit freaked out by it. I'm home alone shuffling through my friends VHS tapes and stumble upon a blank unmarked tape. Back in the day this was a sure sign of porn. What comes on when I press play? This crazy ass shit! I was almost positive I only had 7 days to live after I watched it.
Seriously, the trailer makes more sense then the movie. I hope all you fan boys learned a lesson from this. I don't wanna see you flooding any message boards after Dark Knight comes out whining for another Batman movie, cuz you might not like what you get. Hollywood is like a drunk genie that hates its job... be careful what you wish for kids.
This is the only reason anyone remembers this movie...
You know when you start dating a person and you blow off all your friends and never hang out with anyone except for that special someone all the time? That's basically Heathers. But in Heathers, that special someone is Christian Slater and he wants to kill your friends... then blow up your High School.
This clip from the movie does a good job of defining the hipster scene in Denver...
It's not often that I find myself resorting to text-speak and then laughing maniacally at the end of a trailer, but OMG slash LOL, I've been waiting for a Mad Max inspired post-apocalyptic movie pretty much since Mad Max. This has all the hallmarks of a movie that means to become a cult hit, bombs, then resurface six years later as a pop culture meme among anarchist kids with their first communal Netflix account. Me, I'll probably watch it slightly sooner than that.
Wait, it happens how many times a year? Clearly, I was born into the wrong era.
I want everyone to just watch this. Let us all take a moment of silence and reflect back to an age of innocence. Back to a time when anything was possible...I bring to you Moonwalker, Michael Jackson's sci-fi-pseudo-bio-pic-epic-masterpiece-kid's ride!
This movie is what I have always imagined a pop funeral to look like. Some say when you die your life flashes before your eyes... Don't get it twisted I got love for MJ, but I feel like this movie was the last thing he really put his heart into... before the media cut it out.
The whole movie's not like that though. There's also a sub-plot where Joe Pesci kidnaps 3 orphans and tries to make them do drugs while plotting to destroy the earth with a giant laser cannon. Oh, and this sweet claymation chase scene...
P.S.- You can also watch the whole thing on YouTube... go get it!
Yes, there was a time when owning an SVHS camcorder and knowing a couple of people actually qualified you to call yourself a director. This splendid piece of cinematic history is from that Golden Age, when your trailers didn't have to say anything about your movie. I mean, seriously, what is the plot of this movie? I can't say for sure, except that there is a woodchipper and, hey, is that meat they're stuffing inside it?
Here's a little clip:
I saw this movie as a kid. After viewing this horrifying vision of the future I immediately started putting ants in the webs of wolf-spiders to better our odds when the end was upon us. You can thank me later.
I'm not about to let this shit happen to me homie...
Fuck what you heard! This movie is my generation's black monolith...
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
And finally, Exhibit C:
I rest my case your honor.
Another fantasy kung-fu flick from Golden Harvest (Storm Riders) This whole movie is also up on youtube. I've only seen about half of it at a party while smoking weed as a young havoc. All I really remember was that everyone had umbrellas...??????
I don't know why, but the whole movie is up on youtube. It's a classic tale about a dude that hooks up with his best friend's girlfriend and then all hell breaks loose.
One of my favorites from last year that totally did not get the credit it deserved. The vampires in this movie are seriously on crack. They don't even try to hide the fact that they're killing people. Actually, now that I think about it, they don't even wipe their mouths after they've smothered themselves in a ripped open neck . That's about as real as it gets.
Part one of three of a late sixties educational documentary about the dangers and horrors of LSD. SEE! the horrific events that lead to tragedy! HEAR! the psychedelic sounds that accompany any group of acid-heads! FEEL! the absolute spinal chill of hallucinogenic drug use!
Also, I'm pretty sure one of the drug users is riding a Puch moped in one of the scenes.
Wow, this trailer makes Ghost look waaaaaaaay more intense then I remember it being. Then again, there was that scene when homeboy gets dragged to Hell kicking and screaming by those shadow trolls.
No, this movie is not a decisive cinematic essay about southeast Asian politics in the latter half of the nineteenth century. It's about a fucking serial killer who murders on the subways and loves meat.
Los Angeles gangsta cop sagas are slowly replacing those New York mafia movies from back in the day, 2 more movies like this and it will officially be a genre. Crooked cops...what more can I say? I guess this is suppose to be more of a revenge story (you killed my partner, the law doesn't matter anymore, blah,blah,blah...) But still, that doesn't mean Keanu Reeves can go around harassing the Black and Hispanic communities of L.A.
I think this trailer pretty much speaks for itself. In fact, you probably don't really even have to watch the movie, given that six full minutes of this is pretty well dedicated to narrating the plot while showing you the gore. What is worth mentioning about this trailer is that it was directed by Doris Wishman, who is my new favorite legendary grindhouse cinema figure. Here are a few other titles from Wishman:
Dildo Heaven
Satan Was a Lady
Keyholes Are For Peeping
Too Much Too Often
Nude On the Moon
The list goes on, every single title a little snippet of brilliance. Also, she went under the names of various other men and women for many of these productions. According to IMDB, Anthony Brooks, Dee Ess, El Ess, Luigi Manicottale, O.O. Miller, L. Silverman, Louis Silverman, Melvin Stanley, D. Whitman, Dawn Whitman and Kenyon Wintel were all pseudonyms used at various times. You've gotta be pretty awesome if you need that many different names to get work.
High School Honor Student by Day. Hollywood Hooker by Night.
This movie pretty much has everything you'd want from a movie about prostitution and high schoolers. Murder, intrigue, pimps, johns, and an original one sheet that was later used as the model for a Disney movie.
Holy shit, Nightbeast. I wish I could take credit for finding this, but I pulled it from a forum where someone had graciously left it to be watched, watched again and then watched a third and final time before wrapping my head completely around it. I just couldn't stop laughing. This is definitely in the top ten trailers on this blog.
Woe unto you, sweet UPN fans, who missed this short-lived and completely awful television series about three attractive women who fight giant badly-animated robots in an underground megalopolis where all humanity has continued to survive in spite of their mechanized overseers' disdain for and desire to murder them. This has to be the most awesome theme song ever created for a show that's essentially about latex, miniskirts and laser guns.
There is absolutely way too much going on in this movie for me to even began to explain so I'll jus' give you a list of the awesome things that await anyone brave enough to Netflix this early Eddie Murphy diamond in the rough.
1) A tiny dancing Pepsi can man.
2) A Flying hell demon.
3) A sexy pajama Kung-Fu fight involving a cross-bow and various blades.
4) A claymation snake woman.
5) A bowl of blood disguised as a bowl of oatmeal.
In the eighties there seemed to be this ongoing trend in kids movies. Instead of using product placement to brainwash youth, the big corporations would jus' make an entire movie about the product they wanted you to buy ( MAC AND ME, MY PET MONSTER, GARBAGE PAIL KIDS, etc. ) I'm talkin' whole plots and character development based around the use of McDonalds and Coca-Cola. The more I think about it, the more I realize how fucked it really was. Even though I loved this movie as a kid, at its core it's still just a big budget Nintendo/Powerglove/Super Mario Bros. 3 commercial....sigh
Here's a taste. If you put your ear close enough to the screen you should be able to hear the president of Nintendo having unprotected sex with a dirty pile of money.
I want everyone to take a good look at this trailer then scroll down and watch the trailer for THE SIGNAL I posted last month. Hmmmmm, maybe it's jus' me but THE HAPPENING looks like it "happens" to be a rip-off. Here's the twist though, Mark Wahlberg is in M. Night Shyamalan's version. TA-DAAAAAAA! GREAT JOB!
UPDATE: So the original teaser was taken off the web after I posted it and this new trailer has taken its place. Now the movie looks nothing like the Signal. Good job guys, but I will not be fooled by your Signal rip off. This is not over M. Night.
During the bar scene in Big Adventure, one of the woman biker's demands that before the kill Pee Wee they let her have him. That woman was Cassandra Peterson, better known to all as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, late-night hostess legend and all around total babe. And just because this is pretty much a hallmark moment on the SwampCox, here's another trailer that uses double entendre to refer to Elvira's boobs.
The trail gets a little more awesome right about here... Two years after starring in Valley Girl, Elizabeth (EG) Daily finds herself playing Dottie in an early Tim Burton masterpiece. After that she pretty much did the voice of some character in every animated television show or movie made in the US or Canada, while occasionally acting. She went to high school with Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie, also, which isn't a thread that I'm willing to follow up on in this blog.
In keeping with the trail leading from Real Genius, here's the trailer for Valley Girl, a romantic comedy adored by every girl I've ever met. An early Nicholas Cage role, kickass soundtrack and totally vital discrepancy of class overcome... Yep, that's the formula for success. Anyway, this was directed by Martha Coolidge, who later directed Real Genius.
What I like best about this trailer is the ominous first ten or so seconds, which appear to be the lead-in to a campy zombie film. Seriously though, this should be a cultural touchstone for anyone who likes to make references to movies that only one other person in any given social setting have seen. It's worth mentioning that the writer of this movie has been involved with every single Police Academy film and the ill-fated, short-lived television series.
This was a midnight movie at the last Denver International Film Festival. I was hanging out at the afterparty when people came from it. Most of them said it was a well-made film but disturbing, and that they wouldn't watch it again. I saw it a short time later on DVD, and it's not all that disturbing. Until I found out that it's based in reality and the accounts of things that seemed like they were done just for the film were actually truths. That clitoral immolation thing? Yeah, that happened to someone in real life.
Then I kinda thought that it was disturbing.
The '07 trailer, Red Band.
And the '97 trailer.
Yeah, Haneke remade his own movie, just to be that much more fucked up. Also to be in English.
From Gregg Araki, whose last movie was a disturbing tale of two boy who were molested by their baseball coach: A comedy about Anna Faris being really, really stoned.
