DreDay Tribute: Cloverfield (2008)

I bring sad news that DreDay, SwampCox's founding father, has merged with the infinite. As a tribute to his passion for movies, and the fun times we had with this blog, here's the trailer to Cloverfield.

Not only was Cloverfield one of his first SwampCox posts in 2007, it was one of the first things we talked about when he joined the arthouse movie theater where GhostDog, Exploder, and I worked as projectionists. He loved the movie's viral ARG-esque marketing that rewarded online sleuthing and we spent many a day theorizing on what the monster would look like.

In his own words from 2007-era Swampcox: "Seriously, it's gotta be a giant whale..."

The Return of the King (1980)

Behold! The conclusion of J.R.R. Tolkien's immortal masterpiece, THE LORD OF THE RINGS. Witness the gleaming brand of Andruil proudly lofted by Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the Elessar and heir of Isildur final king of Gondor! Behold Gandalf Stormcrow, Mithrandir to elves, Tharkin to Dwarves, the ring Narya upon his finger, last of the Maiar of Valinor on Middle-Earth! The wonders are endless...



LOLOLOL it's a trap! That was the first 9:10 of the Rankin/Bass 'adaption'. If you thought Peter Jackson butchered the books, just listen to Glenn Yarborough's hilarious minstrel show. Bilbo looks like my Great Aunt, and someone swapped out Elrond with an Amish peacock. Leave it to the 1970's to suck the nobility out of even the most glorious tale.

Comparison time. Eowyn's epic showdown with the Witch-King of Angmar in all three versions.

Rankin/Bass:



PROS: Tolkien's excellent dialogue is reproduced in full

CONS: Casey Kasem with a vocoder as the Witch-King's voice.
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Peter Jackson:



PROS: The Witch-King's righteous morning star. Eowyn is pretty hot.

CONS: Eowyn's girlish scream
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J.R.R. Tolkien:

"Still she did not blench: maiden of the Rohirrim, child of kings, slender but as a steel-blade, fair yet terrible. A swift stroke she dealt, skilled and deadly. The outstretched neck she clove asunder, and the hewn head fell like a stone. Backward she sprang as the huge shape crashed to ruin, vast wings outspread, crumpled on the earth; and with its fall the shadow passed away. A light fell about her, and her hair shone in the sunrise.

Out of the wreck rose the Black Rider, tall and threatening, towering above her. With a cry of hatred that stung the very ears like venom he let fall his mace. Her shield was shivered in many pieces, and her arm was broken; she stumbled to her knees. he bent over her like a cloud, and his eyes glittered; he raised his mace to kill.

But suddenly he too stumbled forward with a cry of bitter pain, and his stroke went wide, driving into the ground. Merry's sword had stabbed him from behind, shearing through the black mantle, and passing up beneath the hauberk had pierced the sinew behind his mighty knee.

'Eowyn! Eowyn!' cried Merry. Then tottering, struggling up, with her last strength she drove her sword between crown and mantle, as the great shoulders bowed before her. The sword broke sparkling into many shards. The crown rolled away with a clang. Eowyn fell forward upon her fallen foe. But lo! the mantle and hauberk were empty. Shapeless they lay now on the ground, torn and tumbled; and a cry went up into the shuddering air, and faded to a shrill wailing, passing with the wind, a voice bodiless and thin that died, and was swallowed up, and was never heard again in that age of this world.

PROS: everything

CONS: nothing

WINNER: The original book, go read it you lazy teenagers!

Cleopatra 2525 - 2000

Woe unto you, sweet UPN fans, who missed this short-lived and completely awful television series about three attractive women who fight giant badly-animated robots in an underground megalopolis where all humanity has continued to survive in spite of their mechanized overseers' disdain for and desire to murder them. This has to be the most awesome theme song ever created for a show that's essentially about latex, miniskirts and laser guns.