POSTED: SWAMPCOX (in your mouth) IS NO LONGER A TRAILER BLOG. IT IS NOW A SHORT FILM / ARTISTIC COMMERCIAL / CELEBRITY WORK OUT VIDEO BLOG.
-New Management
I bring sad news that DreDay, SwampCox's founding father, has merged with the infinite. As a tribute to his passion for movies, and the fun times we had with this blog, here's the trailer to Cloverfield.
Not only was Cloverfield one of his first SwampCox posts in 2007, it was one of the first things we talked about when he joined the arthouse movie theater where GhostDog, Exploder, and I worked as projectionists. He loved the movie's viral ARG-esque marketing that rewarded online sleuthing and we spent many a day theorizing on what the monster would look like.
In his own words from 2007-era Swampcox: "Seriously, it's gotta be a giant whale..."
Pack up the kids, they'll be in the car for a LONG time. In Dead End, we see a family of disgruntled people going to an older persons house for Christmas. The scenic road, was it the best choice? I think so, I get funny feelings when I watch this. Feelings of hopelessness too, like in Silent Hill. Very 90s Comedy I think, It's a nice surprise. It's on Amazon Prime at the moment.
I remember seeing this movie when I was probably twelve or thirteen years old and not being able to wait for the sequels as they arrived. It was the golden age of Full Moon, AKA the best time for bad horror movies ever, and I think these trailers elucidate that point quite nicely.
It appears to be a pretty straightforward vampire movie, shot in Bucharest, about some girls who get turned into vampires by the evil Radu, who ends up battling his brother, also a vampire, for the life of one of the women with whom he's fallen in love. But since it's Full Moon it's also full of weird little claymation demons for no reason.
Oh man, Subspecies II just amps it up a little more. Now it's suddenly about using this bloodstone to become immortal (I know, he's already immortal, but whatever) and there's a bunch of vampire magic and that chick from the first one's sister is looking for her and totally in danger of being turned into a vampire too! Oh noes!
Yes, yes, Bloodlust! The terror continues this Halloween, '93! Keep it coming, Charles Band. There's no stopping this freight train of awesome now!
So these people just can not fucking die! I think when the actress utters the phrase 'please kill me' she's genuinely asking someone on set to end the franchise. Of course, this was four years after the third, which perhaps implies someone's career didn't go quite as expected. How is it that they keep coming? Every movie ends with Radu dying, then the next movie starts with some crazy ritual to bring him back to life, all so he can go after the same girl? Just get a new one, man! They're all over and you're a crazy monster with super powers! I think this was the point where Full Moon started taking a downward turn, but I fully expect them to shoot a fifth installment someday, revamping the series for a new generation...
Eh, who am I kidding? The only people who will watch the fifth one will be Full Moon losers like myself who saw the originals at the time of release.
And, just because it exists, someone's Subspecies II music video with moody gothic bullshit from Moonspell, who, by the way, look like this:
So, I think there's a lesson to be learned about remakes with this movie. And that lesson is that your remake doesn't have to be shitty. Because this one is really, really awesome. It could have to do with the fact that it features Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley and voiceover icon Keith David all in one movie. It might be the special effects and their reliance on animatronics and prostheses, as CGI was not an option in '82 and still doesn't carry the same punch. Most likely it's because it's Jon Carpenter and his keyboard-wielding soundtrack-makin' ways turning a concept he experienced as a child into a paranoid arctic tale of alien horror. But whatever the reason, it should be a study in the successful transformation of a classic into a new classic rather than a toss-away summer blockbuster or crapfest slasher.
Serial killer turns into electricity and then stalks people. Directed by Wes Craven in his post-nightmare phase, when he wasn't all that great at making movies. This one is pretty great though.
Hate to use the MySpace videos, but whatevs. Here's a trailer for a movie about the inimitable Count Gore de Vol, who most recently brought the horror host community online, making them still semi-relevant even though the whole concept has pretty much lost its awesome veneer.
This isn't a trailer so much as a little teaser on set. But, since Final Destination 3 was fucking hilarious/amazing, and this one is being shot with some epically technological 3D cameras, I'm expecting that it'll be pretty good. Opens the same day as H2, so if you're of unsteady ethical aptitude, you can buy one ticket and see both movies. But which do you want to support more? The continued filmmaking of a mediocre director or a franchise that will surely wither and die under the weight of its concept as it sprawls ever further?
Rob Zombie just keeps plugging away at this movie business thing, and to, what we can probably all agree, are pretty sporadic results. I don't think I care for the stuff he's done so far (House of 1000 Corpses is awful, Devil's Rejects is pastiche and H1 was, well, a remake of an already awesome movie, so...) But this trailer looks pretty promising. It's already full of incredible violence and we get to go inside Michael Myer's head, perhaps, which is something we've never been able to do before. What horrible creepiness might lie therein? Let's find out already!
Unfortunately this movie took the spot on his to-do list of Tyrannosaurus Rex, but you can already see that in comic book form as The Nail, if you want.
Linnea Quigley is best known as one of history's finest B movie scream queens, most famously as the strip-teasing Trash in Return of the Living Dead. But that's not all she does. She's also qualified to teach you how to keep yourself in shape! The above clip is from her 1990 workout video, which presumably can only be found in the VHS bin at your local thrift store, which is a real shame, because I bet if this thing can be found in its entirety it's totally awesome.
A few titles from Quigley's nearly 100 roles:
Don't Go Near The Park Silent Night Deadly Night Nudes in Limbo Treasure of the Moon Goddess Sorority Babes at the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama Beach Babes From Beyond Assault of the Party Nerds 2: The Heavy Petting Detective (With Rhonda Shear and Burt Ward!)
And now for something completely awesome. This asshole gets too drunk, passes out and ends up in a coma, then decides to murder all the people that didn't help using metempsychosis? Yes, I will watch that movie. Probably twice.
Sometimes you see something that makes you question the direction society has traveled. But sometimes those same things make you ask the question, 'What the fuck haven't I seen this movie?!' This trailer will elicit both. So go rent this movie, put some chestnuts on your open fire, maybe listen to side A of your Merry Crassmas 7 inch and prepare to have your mind blown.
I saw this movie again last night and it's still awesome. Some of you are thinking to yourselves right now: "But that movie was fucking stupid!" Well, you are fucking stupid, okay? Okay.
Ah yes, Phantasm. One of the finest series of bad horror films ever created and, from what I can tell, the sole financier of Angus Scrimm and Reggie Bannister. Here are the trailers for the first three, though in total there are five films. Of these, I'm not sure if the first or the third is my favorite. The first is the most well-made and features graveyard sex, supernatural sex change, an ice cream vendor/folk guitarist who closes a portal with his tuning fork knowledge and, of course, tiny undead monsters. However, it commits the sin of having actually blown up a then-new hemicuda. Seriously. They blew a whole car up. The third one involves an orphan with a killer instinct, black lesbian ninjas, a four-barrelled shotgun, an ethereal other-world and gives our original protagonist, Jodie, super-powers. That's pretty awesome. You'll have to make your own decision, but I urge you to find out. If you want to check out part IV, you'll get to see boobs that turn into killer silver balls.
What do you get when you come up with a plot (killer, in this case), and decide to Dr. Seuss your way to a twist? You get Driller Killer, the rhymingly good time movie about a guy who gets horny while watching an advertisement for a power drill and decides to buy it then murder people with it. As I recall, the scene with the ad-watching is cut with a lesbian shower sex scene, so you, too, will get hard while watching an ad for a power drill, you sicko.
One of my favorites from last year that totally did not get the credit it deserved. The vampires in this movie are seriously on crack. They don't even try to hide the fact that they're killing people. Actually, now that I think about it, they don't even wipe their mouths after they've smothered themselves in a ripped open neck . That's about as real as it gets.
