Black Dynamite-2009

This is about to be THE BEST MOVIE OF 2009! It has Captain Kangaroo in it! CAPTAIN KANGAROO!?

Coraline-2009

Neil Gaiman and the directer from Nightmare Before Christmas (Not TIM BURTON mind you)
equals awesome!

The Good, The Bad, & The Weird-2008

I love how Korea takes American genres of film and injects them with style serum.

The Unborn-2009

Runaway-1985

Dear serial killers, there still has yet to be a special unit within the police department that deals with rouge robots that kill humans. Jus sayin'. Have fun now before it's too late.

Christmas Cottage - 2009

All you need to know Thomas Kincaid is the following:

"In 2006 John Dandois, Media Arts Group executive, recounted a story that on one occasion ("about six years ago") Kinkade became drunk at a Siegfried and Roy magic show in Las Vegas and began shouting "Codpiece! Codpiece!" at the performers. Eventually he was calmed by his mother. Dandois also said of Kinkade, "Thom would be fine, he would be drinking, and then all of a sudden, you couldn't tell where the boundary was, and then he became very incoherent, and he would start cussing and doing a lot of weird stuff."

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

I'm usually suspicious of movies that are made with 'cult-status' in mind. Often they try too hard and produce too little. Bubba Ho-Tep is a rare exception for three reasons: 1) Bruce Campbell. 2) Ossie Davis. 3) The characters have souls.

Amazingly, the producers remembered that good writing is an excellent way to compensate for a lack of budget, something that most 'b' movies these days gleefully ignore. Although I believe it's actually adapted from a short story... so yeah, modern screenwriters still suck balls.

Neverending Story 3 - 1994

Well, there doesn't seem to be a trailer for this god-awful piece of shit, but there is a section of the Rock Biter (who has an accent somewhere between Brooklyn plumber and a Russian immigrant) and his son, Junior, the most annoying baby since the Dinosaur's Not The Mama spouting infant riding to the mountains while the adult Rock Biter sings Steppenwolf's Born to Be Wild. Seriously.



Yeah. Most of this movie doesn't even take place in Fantasia. Jack Black (yes, THAT Jack Black) is the leader of a gang called the Nasties who steal the Neverending Story book and somehow use their imaginations to cause everyone in Fantasia to start being nasty to each other. So Bastien is employed by the Empress to take the Orrin into the human world and get the book back. For some reason several characters from Fantasia (all of them Jar Jar Binks levels of annoying) are also transported and must be recollected from around the US before the Nasties can be stopped. It gets more convoluted when Bastien's new step sister steals the Orrin, uses it to shop - provoking a line of such absolute ridiculousness from the Empress, who is watching it all through what I assume is an interoceter that I almost pissed myself laughing - and loses it to the Nasties, who can now alter reality in the human realm of existence? What? Anyway, everything almost goes completely bad but in the end the fear of life in a broken home heals the world.

Seriously.